Due to complete frustration with this blog... I'm now posting HERE!!!

I WAS SO MAD

TODAY WHILE I WAS TRYING TO MAKE MY BLOG ALL PRETTY...
I MESSED IT UP ROYALLY
I WAS SO MAD!
IT WON'T LET ME SWITCH BACK TO THE BETTER TEMPLATES WITH ALL THE GADGETS
I WAS SO MAD!
IT DOESN'T SHOW MY MUSIC OR MY FAMILY OR MY PICTURES
I WAS SO MAD!
I DON'T WANT A FANCY BLOG NOW, I JUST WANT MY OLD ONE BACK
I WAS SO MAD!

How coffee saved my life... or at least my sanity.

I really and truly think that this little coffee job has been a blessing from above as of late. I have nearly felt myself on the brink of an anxiety breakdown... but when I walk into that little shop, its all about the coffee. I have to think so hard to make things, to get it right... to please my customers that I forget about the things that worry me at home. I truly feel like the weight is lifted when I'm aiming to please some one else through the magical making of the caffeine high... unless of course its decaf. It is ironic that I myself don't partake in this magic... but I instead partake of a much better magic... the magic of work, and how it can distract you and can give you a break from other things.
Kenneth is flying to AZ tomorrow for an on site interview... I'm not really sure what will happen if he gets the job, I just know that its not comfortable... whatever it is, its not comfortable. Its not the Mayberry life I have come accustom to. I know that wherever we go or whatever we do, it will be okay.... but its all kind of sad, the closing of a chapter in our story, and somehow I wasn't quite ready for this chapter to be over. But whatever the outcome... I hope to look at it as the next adventure....

Aye, happy Talk Like a Pirate Day Aye, me parrot concurs!

As some of you know or maybe don't today is one of my favorite Holidays... Talk Like a Pirate Day! So grab your Ayes Maties, and Gars... and talk like a pirate today. Kasey and I enjoyed this book in honor. So whether you be a fan of cap'n Jack Sparrow... or maybe One Eyed Willie... this holiday is fer yea! You'll never get me buried booty... and I'm pretty sure ye wouldn't want it.

100 things I like...

Came across this on The Carter Family blog this morning and thought it was a good way to remind myself of all the good things.

1. John Denver music
2. Talking to my sisters and sis in law on the phone
3. Fall air
4. White chocolate symphony smoothies
5. Renting movies
6. Riding my bike to work
7. New deodorant
8. Taking pictures
9. Snuggly blankets
10. Coke
11. Pouring Rain
12. Bowling on the Wii
13. Vanilla Black Raspberry body lotion
14. Unsolicited hugs from the kids
15. Car rides with no purpose other than to drive
16. Spring grass after a long winter
17. Kite flying
18. Steamed veggies
19. Disney trivia
20. Musicals
21. Buttery popcorn
22. Laughing
23. Wyatts stories
24. Jodi Picoult books
25. bears
26. singing in the shower... or in the kitchen... or while vacuuming
27. Kasey making her own words up to songs... Babies on the wall Babies on the wall.
28. Hot chocolate
29. Phase 10
30. blogging
31. Writing poems
32. Watching 24 (although I tried to avoid it as long as possible, now I'm addicted)
33. Don Williams
34. Spending time at mom and dads
35. Roller Coasters
36. Jack Skelington
37. Friendships
38. Cinnamon Smells
40. fleece
41. Bigfoot (the mythological creature, not the truck)
42. Good Dreams
43. Cotton Candy
44. Tim Burton Films
45. Picture Albums
46. #2 pencils freshly sharpened
47. Music
48. Campfire
49. Family time
50. Backyard Basketball
51. Homemade Cinnamon Rolls
52. New Bras
53. Fabric Softener
54. Watching Ty play sports
55. Down Comforters
56. Talking
57. Being Ant Tiff
58. Enya
59. Christmas
60. Taco Bell
61. Birthday Cake
62. Growing flowers
63. Tennis Shoes
64. Doing hair and nails with Kynzie.. Girl time
65. Drawing
66. vampires
67. giggles
68. Kissing my kids goodnight
69. Family Prayer
70. Swirl Cones
71. Naps
72. Loving Gestures
73. Theatre
74. Planning
75. Chickens
76. Curly Hair
77. Finding a good deal
78. Road Trips
79. When Family comes to visit
80. Halloween
81. Sweet and Sour
82. Sitting on the porch swing
83. Dates with Kenneth
84. Little People Toys
85. Scented Candles
86. Cook it yourself night
87. Getting haircuts
88. Remembering what I forgot when I went into the room the first time.
89. Decluttering
90. nights in a hotel
91. Prime rib medium rare
92. pets
93. Stocked Cupboards
94. tv
95. Thanksgiving Dinner
96. Traditions
97. Clean Bathrooms
98. Comfort
99. Puzzles
100. Family Faith Friends

I listed a lot of food... I guess I'm hungry!

That was fun!!!

So I had to try it... Thanks Amie... I think Kenneth and I would of made quite the adorable couple back in the early 70s. He is especially good looking!

I'm going on a week of becoming the best Barista I can be. Today was the busiest day yet and I only messed up one order. It was crazy though, and I definitely was ready to come home after my shift. It was a good learning experience, but lets just say under pressure my mind makes the most mundane things seem difficult. I also got my first paycheck... and you know, for really enjoying myself, getting out of the house, and being around adult type people, I got payed fairly well. I think I love my job. Its unfortunate things are pointing to moving, because I could get used to working in such a great environment. Well that's it for now..... I've got coffee stained hands and the sound of ice blending in my head.

I can't believe I forgot these ones...

66. Tell me a random fact about yourself: I am a compulsive cougher, when I'm nervous I cough... I've tried to not do it... but I can't help myself.
69. favorite TV show as a youngster: I liked a lot of stuff... scooby doo, smurfs, Brady bunch, I dream of Jennie (I always wished I could be her), Bewitched... I loved all the reruns of the old stuff.

I like the smell of lilacs... I guess I didn't answer this because I couldn't settle on just one. There are so many lovely flowers each unique and wonderful in its own way. Wildflowers, roses, orchids, lily's, like people, each with there own thing to offer... some full of prickles some delicate and some just too much... how could I pick just one.

Oh and Leaner, of course I notice.... Kenneth don't read this part... okay... I don't really notice one particular thing about a guy first it's probably their vibe... you know whether they're creepy or not... I don't really have a type... although I like beefier guys... not to into guys that I could beat up... don't really notice the type of guy that looks like he's not had a good meal in a real long time... I like a guy that looks like he could lift me up over his head with one arm... so maybe that's good.... Vin Diesel kind of guys! As for Twilight Edward or Jacob... neither I pick Emmett.
Disclaimer: Johnny could neither lift me up over his head, and some times he looks underfed... but something about his quirky charm... hmmm yeah... nuf said.

Keeping my mind, and fingers busy survey... with missing numbers... it makes me wonder what questions got accidently deleted along the way.

1.EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring? Yes, it was his mothers... and I lost it... hint to all, I loose jewelry... I'm a looser!
2.LONGEST RELATIONSHIP? 16 years of relationship on October 31 the anniversary of the our first date
3.LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? My boss gave me a t shirt for work yesterday... it's got a big coffee bean on it. I guess that counts as a gift.
4.EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE? Constantly I'm surprised it still works so well
5.WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? Tuesday I went and played basketball, does that count.
6.THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? I'm trying very hard to not spend a lot of money on anything at the moment... Gas we spend a lot of money on gas.
7.LAST FOOD YOU ATE? Pecan Praline Ice cream
8.FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? I don't notice... I'm married. lol
9.ONE FAVORITE SONG? Lord I hope this Day is Good by Don Williams
8.WHERE DO YOU LIVE? In the blue roof house
11.HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED: SMHS, GO MINERS!
12.CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER: Verizon... can you hear me now????
13.FIRST LOVE: I was in the second grade his name was NACHO!
14.LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: I worked at the Town Pump for 3 years.... I'm not much of a job person.
15.DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE? I'm sure there's dice around here
16.DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE? Before the land of caller ID and *69 I did prank call people, mostly in junior high... mostly guys I had crushes on... silly silly stuff.
17.LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED: I can't even remember... that's bad.
18.FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: WOW... that would be super... but sorry friends, I would probably call my family first... I'm not sure.
19.LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND: its been a couple years.
20.FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:Taco Bell or Del Taco.
21.BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD: I will not rat a certain person out but it was probably when someone was planning their wedding, even though they had secretly already gotten married.
22.WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS? I don't care where do you want to eat?
24.CAN YOU COOK? I can cook... sometimes its very good... sometimes not so much
25.WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE? Ford Expedition
26.BEST KISSER? In the world???? I couldn't tell you... I haven't run a big enough study... In my life definitely my hubby.
27.BEST DRINKING BUDDY? Funny!!!
28.MOST DISLIKED FOODS: I'm not a big fan of cottage cheese... or clam dip.
29.THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: I like myself...I'm glad I'm me... there's no one else I'd rather be...
30.THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF: run at the mouth disease
32.LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB? 8 hours... once again I'm not a big job person.
33.FAVORITE MOVIE? I love a lot of movies... and I can not, will not, single out just one... that's like asking which one of your kids you love the best. You love them all in different ways.
34.CAN YOU SING? Every one can sing... just open up your mouth and do it... what's the worst that can happen... people running away in fear... I think not!
35.LAST CONCERT ATTENDED? George Strait back in 1996???
36.LAST KISS? I kissed Kasey a little bit ago... she just woke up
37.Last movie rented? I borrowed Untraceable from my mom.
38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT: Clothes on... that would be terribly embarrassing if I forgot those... maybe a good way to start my career as the town eccentric though.
39.FAVORITE vacation spot: Disneyland of course
40.FAVORITE beverage: As you all know I'm a big COKE fan... but I'm doing much better lately. I've cut it down to 1 or 2 a day versus 6 or 7. Someday my friend, someday!
41.FAVORITE Flower? I love the smell of lilacs... but to look at I'd have to say
42.One Famous Person You'd love To Meet? Johnny, Johnny where art thou Johnny... lets do lunch!
43.LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?: Desk
44.FAVORITE COMEDIAN?: Well he's more of a movie comedian... but I love love love Adam Sandler
45.DO YOU SMOKE? I may be SMOKIN, but I don't smoke... that's yucky!
46.SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? I generally am always dressed when I'm sleeping... its the before the sleeping that would be questionable.
47.WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT? Kenneth sometimes Kasey... sometimes the cat sneaks in too.
48.IF YOU HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Things would be a little less stressful right now.
49.HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? 3 times... one while with my mom and grandma.... how embarrassing is that.
50.PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? blueberry pancakes... stuffed french toast... it's all good
51.DO YOU LIKE COFFEE? like or not I don't drink it, but thanks to my new job... I can make a really mean cup of coffee... I am the Coffee queen.
52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? usually not... but an omelet is good on occasion
53.ARE YOU A HOTTIE: Heck yeah.... we all are... let your inner hottie out!!! What the heck!
54.LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Sister Darcey
55.LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST? ~ C
56.WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED? Kenneth sent me a nice one a few weeks ago
58.NUMBER OF PILLOWS? I'm a one pillow kind of gal.
59.WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT Now? My fleece star jammie pants.... and a t-shirt
60.PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: Don't worry about a thing... every little thing is going to be alright... I said don't worry about a thing...
61.WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J? apricot
62.CAN YOU PLAY POOL? not really
63.CAN YOU SWIM? I can swim... I don't like too, but I can
64.FAVORITE ICE CREAM? I love ice cream in all the colors of the rainbow.
65.FAVE SUMMER OLYMPIC SPORT: Oh that horse trotting one was pretty cool, just ask Alex's Human.
66.TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
68.EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?I've planned a couple for kids and church... but I don't think I've ever been invited to one... poor me... sniffle, sniffle, sob.
69.FAVE TV SHOW FROM CHILDHOOD:
70.LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID? I laughed at myself a lot yesterday... at work... I make a lot of stupid mistakes... and you have to laugh at those kind of things...its better than crying.
71.WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ? 3:30, 6:46, 8:38
72.BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?: big clothes that hide my imperfections.
73.LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET? NEVER... I think I have a knack for looking really really sorry.
75.NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET? I had an earth worm... it died... we had a lot of animals I'm not sure if any of them were mine personally... I can't remember most of there names.
76.DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED? Pirates are the coolest... and don't forget that September 19th is talk like a pirate day... ARRRGHHH
77.WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?? Going to a football game! GO TY!
78.BIRTHDATE: OCTOBER 7th
79.WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE: The best whatever I can be...
85.ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?: I have already stated that I have a desktop.
87.ARE YOU SMILING? Not right now... I guess I don't find myself all that funny!
89.DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW: I miss a lot of people everyday...
90.IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Som-beach, Somewhere.
92.ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL? Hmmmm... No not for awhile now.
93.DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? I have a crush on the cutie patooty that sleeps in my bed every night.
94.GOT A NICKNAME: Brown bear, do- bug, do, har.... depends on who you ask.
95.WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT? blue, red, orange.
96.DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST? My school never starts
97.DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH? Have you been spying on me... this is beginning to feel like an interrogation.
98.HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE? No
99.DO YOU HAVE A SISTER: 2 of the loveliest sisters a girl could have
100.ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?: well there is a crawl space underneath me, so technically I'm up stairs but that's a real stretch.
101.ARE YOU IN LOVE? Yep... love is a beautiful thing.
102.HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL? Only to have babies... and once when I was having chest pains... and the doctor laughed at me.... "What did you think you were having a heart attack?" She was not a very nice person.
103.DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? Yes, Bigfoot and I would take pictures with him, and kiss his furry face.
104.WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING? my wedding ring... not to be confused with the engagement ring I lost... ug.
105.WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY? Take a shower, get dressed.

running out......

I'm tired. Not the "oh my goodness I've been running in circles all day and its time for bed" Not the "I stayed up last night and watched the late late show" kind of tired either. I'm tired down to my bones.... every muscle of my body is tired... every cell in my brain is tired... every ounce of my being is tired. I'm tired of thinking... of working so I can avoid thinking... I'm tired of working hard to keep a happy face... most of all I'm tired of holding all my fears inside. I know there are worse things... I remind myself that every day. But it wears on a person you know. It slowly grinds at all things stable, and I've never been that stable to begin with. I hate the not knowing, you know!

Today was my 3rd day of work. Once again a delight. I mostly covered the lunch shift today, and made paninis. I made Reuben, and clubs, and Philly cheese steak, and a grilled cheese. I've been riding my bike to work.... I find delight in that too, I think I've become super cost aware, and riding my bike makes me feel like once again I'm contributing to some greater cause.
The only bad part of work... is that once again I was informed that when people first meet me some find me a bit intimidating.... or the big B word, (I guess I'm not bubbly enouph). I really don't see myself this way, because inwardly I feel shy and embarrassed to say something so Stupid that the person I'm talking to will never want to be in the same room as me again. I really am not a scary person, I promise. Give me a second chance, and I promise at some point I will make you realize how silly it was to think of me a intimidating. And if I seem mostly quiet, its because I'm thinking to myself all the things I could of should of would of said differently if my brain was turned on right :(