Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Being Moldy...

I am kind of saddened I fit some cookie cutter mold. I kind of always thought I stood out a little. But apparently through much self examination and a wide eyed awakening, from several relatives about soccer moms and mini vans, I have discovered I am so moldy it hurts. It was hardly my intention to be that person. I used to think I really was different. I worked awfully hard at it. But through my children my personality has softened. I am not sure when it happened or maybe I was always this way and lived in an illusion of difference. Maybe I was always the PTA lady, it just took a few years to emerge. I don't pluck my eyebrows, does that make me stand out? How about wearing slippers to the post office, no, that just means I'm lazy. I suppose it all comes down to a frame of spirit. Am I held back because the opinions of others, or am I really the way I am because I like me. Sometimes probably a little of both. Am I a follower or a leader or neither, am I just there. Am I truly free. Is my spirit free. Is that what breaks the mold- the freedom to express myself however I see fit. The confidence in my own actions, to not hold back. I have compassion for all of this, how can one be 30 years old, and not feel like they truly fit anywhere, and then that's where it all becomes reality because the place I truly fit is in my home, that's where I belong, where I feel important, where I am not judged or owned by any one stereotype, I can sing loudly and off tune, I can wear an old cure shirt and flannel pants, and my hair can stick in crazy directions for hours without any one staring. My cookie cutter is my home and I safely reside from the harshness of it all deep inside of its hard exterior. I guess when it all comes down to it, I really do like cookies anyway, especially chocolate chip.

4 comments:

Alex's Human said...
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Alex's Human said...

Better to be you, however you are comfortable, than to act or dress any way to impress those whose opinions don't matter to begin with.. So I say wear your slippers to the post office, sing loudly while your hair is sticking up, and tell those who don't like it where to get off... You're perfect just as you are and we love you!..

Pen-nut said...

And you know, even cookie cutters are all different and cookies made with them never turn out the same. So, we're all still different, our own person.

leaner said...

It takes all kinds to make the world, and if it weren't for wonderful women like you then things wouldn't run as smoothly as they do, right? It really doesn't matter what we look like, its how we feel inside.
My post was actually about how I feel inside, it just became about my outward appearance, because that is easier to change than the inward part (a haircut, new clothes, etc.) My problem is totally that I do not feel like I fit anywhere. I don't even feel like I fit at home most of the time.

We love you, no matter how perfectly moldy you are. I just wish you lived here, and we could hang out some. I think we could be friends.