Sunday, March 23, 2008


Generally speaking I'm not a sharer of all things spiritual. Although it's very much a part of the person I've become I don't usually take the risk of what others may think of me. But lately I've felt so weighed down... that I truly feel if I don't express myself in some way that I may as well not believe myself.

I struggle. I struggle a lot. It's been a rocky road, that I have gladly conquered for many years. Knowing that I was making a smoother path for my children to follow. But lately things have been extremely hard. I have fought to remember why I even bother. As the tiniest things begin to be stretched and criticized to the point of exhaustion... I wonder. If something that small is such a big deal is there even a place for me in this God's kingdom. If that is unforgivable... what about the others... other people that I love... other people that I've lost. Will Jesus embrace them, I have to believe so... for my own sanity I have to believe so. And then in church as tears run down my face... I look past the trivial things that have been said, I look past the people, their personal platforms, I look past their words... to the simplicity of a song.
I know that my redeemer lives
What Comfort this sweet sentence gives
He lives he lives who once was dead
He lives my ever living Head
He lives to bless me with his Love
He lives to plead for me above
He lives my hungry soul to feed.
He lives to bless in time of need
He lives to grant me rich supply
He lives to guide me with his eye
He lives to comfort me when faint
He lives to hear my souls complaint
He lives to silence all my fears
He lives to wipe away my tears
He lives to calm my troubled heart
He lives all blessings to impart

Not to only perfection... not to only those with perfect faith, not to those who wear the right clothes, or say the right words, not only for those who make the right choices, not just for the reverent; but the doubting, the troubled, the stubborn, the devastated, the hurt, the aching, the lost, the prideful, for all of us. He said "Come unto me", to each and every one of us, not just a precious few, each and every one was given the invitation. Each and every one.


leaner said...

That idea is one of the things that keeps me from losing all the faith in our Heavenly Father that I have.

Maybe the people who attend church look down on you. Maybe you feel like a bad person, or you have made a few bad choices. Those people are not perfect, no one is.

I struggle, every day with my choices, and what I think and feel. I struggle because I do not know where I fit and how best to love my husband and my children and still maintain some level of what I was as a child.

I think every one struggles at some point, everyone struggles with something different, but we all struggle.

lvh said...

Thank you for this post to remind me about what is really important and it's not that I didn't have a single piece of Easter candy yesterday so I'm feeling deprived. I think sometimes in this old world there are too many people sitting in judgement of others. I love the quote that Mother Theresa had hanging above her bed "People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway" No matter what we do in this life, we will be judged by people who know every detail of our lives and what caused us to make the choices we do not by those people who are currently looking down their noses at us. Thank heavens for a wonderful forgiving Heavenly Father who is better about forgiving us than we will ever be about forgiving ourselves. Don't let the "Felicias" of this world get you down. ;-)

Amie said...

long-distance hugging ya right now. =)