Thursday, September 22, 2005

Kasey's Eyes

Sad as it is to admit, when I was pregnant with Kasey, I really wanted a boy. My boys were so easy. I imagined this rough and tumble little boy, born ready for sports. I dreamt of his big brown eyes, just like Ty's. The day I found out Kasey was a girl I cried, (I know, I know pretty selfish, I like to blame it on hormones.)But I did deal with it, and came to accept I would have another girl, and even started getting excited to get the pink dresses out again. The day I had Kasey her heart rate continued to become extremely low. She was tangled up in cord and you could see the stress in the Doctors face, as they told me I needed to get her out quick. And I did. (10 Minutes) I was never more relieved as I was in that moment to have a healthy little girl. I'd completely forgot about wanting a boy. I completely forgot everything, except for the love I had for this new baby. I don't know why after a year I'm still hashing over this. I think I feel a little guilt that I ever felt like that. I can't even express how much I love this little girl. When she looks at me with her bright blue eyes, I would literally go to the ends of the earth to make her happy. I do know that often what we have in mind for ourselves is not what's meant to be, I can't imagine now my life without her in it. She is such a wonderful part of our family.

(pen-nut thanks for the picture)


Pen-nut said...

Jason did the picture. I thought it was really cool looking. Love ya!

tif-do said...

I figured he did. Kenneth thought it was cool, I printed it out and framed it.

leaner said...

I know what you mean. Not about wanting the boy. I "knew" Rhayn was a girl from the moment I knew I was pg. But the eye part, I totally understand. Since i was a little kid I have assumed that my child/ren would have brown eyes. It was an assumption that I was happy with. I love the way big brown eyes look at you so lovingly and they hold so much within. (I remember from when dacheese was a baby- her big brown eyes- I assumed I would get those eyes in my child.)
When Rhayn was born, they were that neither here nor there color, but I knew they wouldn't be brown. I was looking at her daddy's eyes, his eye shape, color and his scowling expression when he is concentrating.
Now 4 years later, those eyes melt my heart, they are so inquisitive, they are so not quite blue not quite green. They are Rhaynnon's eyes. I can't imagine any other eyes looking at me.
As this baby's birth draws closer, I think back to eye color. Its not that those greenish blue eyes are not beautiful, and full of love, its just that I want to look at my own eyes- to see the paternal side of my family, or Gramma's eyes. I want to see the big browns, and who knows this baby may give me those big puppy dog eyes, so full of love. We'll just have to wait and see!