Sad as it is to admit, when I was pregnant with Kasey, I really wanted a boy. My boys were so easy. I imagined this rough and tumble little boy, born ready for sports. I dreamt of his big brown eyes, just like Ty's. The day I found out Kasey was a girl I cried, (I know, I know pretty selfish, I like to blame it on hormones.)But I did deal with it, and came to accept I would have another girl, and even started getting excited to get the pink dresses out again. The day I had Kasey her heart rate continued to become extremely low. She was tangled up in cord and you could see the stress in the Doctors face, as they told me I needed to get her out quick. And I did. (10 Minutes) I was never more relieved as I was in that moment to have a healthy little girl. I'd completely forgot about wanting a boy. I completely forgot everything, except for the love I had for this new baby. I don't know why after a year I'm still hashing over this. I think I feel a little guilt that I ever felt like that. I can't even express how much I love this little girl. When she looks at me with her bright blue eyes, I would literally go to the ends of the earth to make her happy. I do know that often what we have in mind for ourselves is not what's meant to be, I can't imagine now my life without her in it. She is such a wonderful part of our family.
(pen-nut thanks for the picture)
.jpg)
3 comments:
Jason did the picture. I thought it was really cool looking. Love ya!
I figured he did. Kenneth thought it was cool, I printed it out and framed it.
Ah-
I know what you mean. Not about wanting the boy. I "knew" Rhayn was a girl from the moment I knew I was pg. But the eye part, I totally understand. Since i was a little kid I have assumed that my child/ren would have brown eyes. It was an assumption that I was happy with. I love the way big brown eyes look at you so lovingly and they hold so much within. (I remember from when dacheese was a baby- her big brown eyes- I assumed I would get those eyes in my child.)
When Rhayn was born, they were that neither here nor there color, but I knew they wouldn't be brown. I was looking at her daddy's eyes, his eye shape, color and his scowling expression when he is concentrating.
Now 4 years later, those eyes melt my heart, they are so inquisitive, they are so not quite blue not quite green. They are Rhaynnon's eyes. I can't imagine any other eyes looking at me.
As this baby's birth draws closer, I think back to eye color. Its not that those greenish blue eyes are not beautiful, and full of love, its just that I want to look at my own eyes- to see the paternal side of my family, or Gramma's eyes. I want to see the big browns, and who knows this baby may give me those big puppy dog eyes, so full of love. We'll just have to wait and see!
Post a Comment