Thursday, September 22, 2005
Sad as it is to admit, when I was pregnant with Kasey, I really wanted a boy. My boys were so easy. I imagined this rough and tumble little boy, born ready for sports. I dreamt of his big brown eyes, just like Ty's. The day I found out Kasey was a girl I cried, (I know, I know pretty selfish, I like to blame it on hormones.)But I did deal with it, and came to accept I would have another girl, and even started getting excited to get the pink dresses out again. The day I had Kasey her heart rate continued to become extremely low. She was tangled up in cord and you could see the stress in the Doctors face, as they told me I needed to get her out quick. And I did. (10 Minutes) I was never more relieved as I was in that moment to have a healthy little girl. I'd completely forgot about wanting a boy. I completely forgot everything, except for the love I had for this new baby. I don't know why after a year I'm still hashing over this. I think I feel a little guilt that I ever felt like that. I can't even express how much I love this little girl. When she looks at me with her bright blue eyes, I would literally go to the ends of the earth to make her happy. I do know that often what we have in mind for ourselves is not what's meant to be, I can't imagine now my life without her in it. She is such a wonderful part of our family.
(pen-nut thanks for the picture)